It’s 11pm, everyone’s asleep, I have 90s boy band music (bsb if you’re curious) playing in the background and thought i’d share something with you…
In Canada, an estimated one in six couples face infertility, and it’s not just because millennial’s are waiting longer. Between 10 and 20 percent of infertility is unexplained, says Dr. Sonya Kashyap, medical director at the Genesis Fertility Centre in Vancouver.
I romanticized the notion of having the same relationship I have with my mom, with my child. My mom is like my best friend, we irritate each other, but also can’t go one day without checking in. Are we BFFs because she had me at a younger age, 26? That’s what I thought.
We started trying for a baby when we were 27. We started young because we were worried about age related infertility and we also had this urge to be young parents. Then we got hit by the negative tests, month after month. Why me? Why now? I blamed myself, my body, for failing me…failing us. I held the burden of our fertility until we knew more.
Fast forward to today, I’m 34 and we have a gorgeous 2 year old daughter and everyday I think, “Wow, you’re a damn gorgeous miracle, let me bite your cheeks!”. A few years back, we found out that my husband had low sperm motility. Low, didn’t mean bad, it meant we needed some help – a “leg up” if you will (see what I did there!). We were advised to try IUI. By the 3rd round, when we actually figured out all the logistics with sample collection – it worked! It bloody worked.
My body didn’t fail me. Yes, as women – we are the child bearers. Yes, we produce milk. Yes, we give birth. But fertility will always be a two way street, after all it takes two to tango (ha!).
“Although male infertility has been found to be the cause of a couple’s failure to conceive in about 50% of cases, the social burden falls disproportionately on women… the stigmatization can be extreme in some countries, where infertile people are viewed as a burden on the socioeconomic well-being of a community. ” World Health Org
My husband is a rock-star, and as we think of trying for baby #2, he supports us and understands the role he plays in this journey. I’m not alone, but for a lot of women, especially in developing countries, it can feel isolating. The conversation between couples needs to be more open around fertility.
Do one thing for me, spread the word that infertility checks can be done with your family doctor – before you start trying, we have great healthcare in Canada. Use it.
Know the situation. Prepare for it. Have ALL THE fun .