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Mama, did you get laid?

by MomsTO

Dear Ed,

This may be TMI for some but…

I got laid this weekend. I say it with gusto because this is a massive milestone for anyone postpartum. When I mean I got laid, I mean I had romantic sex with my husband that was pain-free and very enjoyable.

If you are anything like me, it has been WAY TOO long since the last time you did “it”.

Between having a baby in our bed, suckling at my tits around the clock, being completely exhausted all of the time, feeling as un-sexy as ever and feeling like my libido ran away as soon as baby number two hit, this is as close to a miracle as one could experience.

My husband and I like sex- especially with each other. I would go as far as saying that is it a crucial part of our lives together and our marriage. It has been on hold for a variety of the reasons outlined above.

We have had a few intimate moments in the past 4 months, but nothing like this. This is what made this “lovemaking session” so different and important.

Next month, we are going to be featuring “amazing men”- those who go above and beyond. I would say my husband falls into this category. He does the toddler care, almost exclusively for the last few months. He has silently stood by me as I grow this amazing community, cheering me on, building our websites, and watching our wins and our times to pivot. He is my rock and my redeemer. I am not bragging- this is just the truth. Matt is a great role model for our son and did I mention, he is a retired 5-star chef- he does 99% of our family meals and prep.

So… the least I could do it fuck him. Like really fuck him. It took planning, and support, but we did it and I plan on ensuring we bring sexy back into our weekly routine.

I kept waiting for the right moment to make it happen. Like Rhonda Katz says ” if you just wait for it to happen, it most likely never will- sex with your partner takes thoughts and planning.”

So- I am sharing my coles notes – “big girl panties” approach to planing sex- Here is what it took (in no particular order):
– Saw a pelvic physical therapist for 6 weeks
– Hired a babysitter
– Planned a day date
– Bought medical grade lubricant
– Told him my intention
– Relaxed with some wine and a hot tub
– Kissed a lot
– took a lot of deep breathes throughout.

And boom, excellent sex.

So we are not 21 years old horndogs that can do it at the drop of a dime anymore. We require some more planning and thought. I look forward to the day we can just drop our pants and get it on without thought but for now, this is just what it takes.

The truth was I was scared I was broken, and that my sex life was going to be dead in the water. This got me thinking that my marriage would end as a result of a sexless life. These two factors alone could scare you into a complete crazy-making panic. This usually signals the time to book a vacation and have “vacation sex” but I realized this is not sustainable. We need to have “vacation sex” all of the time. I am glad I am not “broken” and I fully intend to continue to carve out the time to take care of my marriage, myself and my spouse as much as possible.

If you like this sort of dialogue, then you will LOVE our new podcast with Dr. Dina Kulik, Moms That Say F*ck .

XOXO,

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